is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
