Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
