Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
