Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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