dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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