Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
