Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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