Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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