i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
