Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
