she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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