Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
