There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
