Plan B is the new Plan A
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize