Umm I'm too high to move.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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