all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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