Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize