Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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