I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
