I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
