listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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