and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
