I'm going to jail i love you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
