Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
