Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
