By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
