Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
