Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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