Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize