in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
