You were right. It hurts to walk today.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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