Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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