I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize