Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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