Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
