i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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