I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
