did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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