I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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