Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
