so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
