He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
