so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Randomize
