There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
