He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
