Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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