Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize