Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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