dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
