how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
