I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
