he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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