I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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