Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
