It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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