Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
