I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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