I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
