Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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