you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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