i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
