You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This couple is walking their pig around campus
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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