My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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