When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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