Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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