Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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