I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
