It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
