We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
