i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
