My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
