i think my mom watched the whole time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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