Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
