I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
