this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
