I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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