someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
