yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
