why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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