Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
