you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
