Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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