Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
