All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
