Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
