you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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