wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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