last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
