Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He passed out mid-signature
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
