Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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