Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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