This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
