So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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