I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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