Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
