Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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