Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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