Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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